Tbh I’m afraid to go to Portland. I’ve heard bad things about it and everyone who lives there, including its local squirrels and mushrooms, no offense.

What if I get attacked by a gang of kombucha homebrewers? What if a young tattooed couple hits me with their $1400 baby stroller? What if someone hands me a hempen flyer for a Christian hot yoga meetup? It’s too dangerous.

first of all soy ink will bleed through hemp paper causing an unnecessary mess.

we are on 100% banana paper. 

Excuse you everyone knows that kombucha home brewers are solitary creatures.

And the aggro trustafarians and the crust punks up there were just in San Francisco not too long ago.